“My children control my life” …. But that signifies am a good parent???
I heard someone say “we had to be delayed going to get our weekly groceries as our little toddler would not nap, now we have to manage with a short trip to the convenience store instead…”
Is there a sense of pride in stating that our children harness this power over our schedules and indirectly this signifies how loving, accommodating and giving parents we are? Is it considered “unmotherly or unfatherly” to set boundaries for our children so that they learn how to amalgamate into our lives?
I have heard mothers say with pride “my day is all messed up and I end up with a glass of wine whenever she naps because I am exhausted.” I hundred percent support the one glass of wine to celebrate parenthood, but does it have to be on the notion of pride cause your toddler or infant has mitigated your day and that glass of wine indemnifies your loss of control?
My curiosity about how my grandmother managed her day 50 years ago with eight kids under 10, under the same roof, being the sole household person triggered me questioning her strategy to conquer or survive her day. Her answer was “I kept them clean and gave them food on time, their sleep has to happen in that room with a little lamp and their meals with me, how much they eat, and rest is their responsibility, I just provide”.
I could see the stark difference in parenting styles and concept of where the power is harnessed. No parent is more or less than the other but shifting blame to our kids about our days being out of control falls on us not being able to provide boundaries to an extent and their temperament dictates the rest. The judgement that comes from society on how we parent plays a major role.
Road to independent sleep fits right here where you take control of your life by giving your child responsibility to learn their own cues and act upon them. In between the guidelines we sketch as parents is where certainty flourishes in our children’s lives, making them feel more secure. Help yourself and your child ‘thrive not just survive’ as child Neurologist Daniel J Siegel quotes!